hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
