You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
