just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
