But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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