wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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