I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
