i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
