dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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