Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
NoShamevember. You game?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
