You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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