things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just had sex bonerless
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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