i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
