I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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