so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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