I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
