The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
