Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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