ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
