I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
