Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
