My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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