Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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