i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
