I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
