In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
