babies were throwing up all over the place
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
