meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
