So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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