Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
