I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
FUCK WHALES
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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