it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
