why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
