I hate your face
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
