Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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