Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
