Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
