i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
