a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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