Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)

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(231): View more from Michigan

i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.

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(469): View more from Texas

Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.

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(517): View more from Michigan

The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1

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(406): View more from Montana

I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.

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(619): View more from California

she peed on how many people?

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(858): View more from California

It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life

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(303): View more from Colorado

If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams

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(402): View more from Nebraska

My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.

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