My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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