I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Found the puke drawer
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
