That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
