Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
