I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
