She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
