Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
