I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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