he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
