someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
