There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
